What Matters Most

What matters most to me.

Gods never ending grace. His love. His kindness. His mercy.
He will never leave me nor forsake me. No matter how far I run from Him He will always be there when I come back with open arms to take me in and wipe the dust off and say
"child, welcome home. I have missed you."
He loves me, warts and all. Isn't that the most amazing thing in the world.

Jesse and his pure love of life. His innocence and imagination. The way he sees the world for the first time and shows me his world thru his eyes. Forgetting myself and what i know but letting myself be absorbed in his world. The way he thinks of every detail right down to the smallest of things. Sometimes I miss when he was little and just discovering hhis true passions. He does love to sing and the way he loved the Gaithers. That was the one thing he and I had together. And when he lost that, I lost part of me. But he is back to loving some of my music and more of his dads. I am trying to respect that, even when I don't agree with some of the songs he knows the words to.

Brian has been an absolute doll. He is so uplifting and loving to Jesse and I. I found out some things about him tonight that I hadn't known. He is thinking of our future as much as I. But hearing him talk about possibly looking into going to school at Purdue for a masters degree floored me. We hadn't talked about who might make the move to make this work and so I was shocked. He is so loving and caring. Handsome and kind. His goal is to be sure that I smile all the time and do not feel any pain like I had in the past. He is trying to erase that part of my life. I pray that some time I can forget the past and or know how to get past the hurt from it. I know he loves me and Shrek. His Fiona loves Ogre with all her heart. There is no one else for her. His touch, his voice, his love. I long for the day that he and I can be together to do gardening together, to cook in the kitchen or watch he and Jesse cooking dinner while I prepare the table. A true house filled with love.

My own life. I have so many things going for me that sometimes I forget to see the spendor in the small things. A roof over our heads, air conditioning and heat, food on our table. God has blessed us with much. I have to remember that I can walk, talk, love, smile, and sing. The voice I have to sing with is a blessing whether it is only heard here in the house or in front of the church. God knows my heart and where it is i should be. I have to trust in Him to help me find my way.

Sunshine and warm days, beautiful flowers, sunrise and sunsets, babies and aged, grandma, puppies, the very air I breath.