God Help Me

I am having a major panic attack. Not sure how I am goin to handle it so i am going to type here and see if it makes me any more secure. Jesse is spending the next couple nights up at Kris and Ricks so i am on my own, which I kind of need, but yetam not sure how to handle it.

I was having breathing problems on the way home. I am so in need of being held by someone. touch and security by another to let me hide if even for just a short time. but tthere is noone to whom i can go to and get this. i have relied on eroc so much for spport lately and complaining to him that he doesnt need to hear it yet again but yet i am dying inside.

brian and i don't talk enough to keep me calm. i just feel like i am such a burden to everyone and that no one understands how i feel my stomach is in knots. i want to puke and yet i want to run as far away as possible buut have no money or vehicle to do any of this

the chrysler is overheating for some unknown reason and the buick is a piece of shit so i am totally screwed. can't go to dad and ask for any help with my bills as i do not want to hear how i fucked up and dug this hole for myself so now i am really freaking out as to what in the workd do i to to make ends meet


jesse even said i need a job. great my son knows his mom is a freak and sad sack. maybe i am not worth the time for anyone. my head is splitting from the stress and yet i have no idea where to turn.

God help me. take this pain away. please!!!! make it end!!!! open the door please show me, drop it in my lap b/c we both know i am too stupid to take hints i just want out

is there hope for even me or have i wasted yet another chance to be what you have asked of me?