Things are shifting around here. I have been on a roll. Standing up for myself and Jesse is feeling so empowering. I repossessed the Buick from Eric and Julie. With the way my life had been snowballing, seeing her drive it out to Uncle bud and Aunt Nancy's created a rage in me that was the final straw in my hat.

I took the keys back and told her it would remain parked. Aunt Val thought maybe her mom would be interested in buying it, but I have found out that she is not. So, now I am going to have to sell it myself. Of course I need to clean it up first. The tree sap made the window screech to loudly, I nearly went off on her (Julie) again for it. For not taking care of that which was not yet hers in the first place.

I sent my resume off for a position as a healthcare coordinator. We'll see if I get a positive response from that. Or a response at all.

The trip to Ohio that I am so excited about may not happen after all. Unless I can come up with the money in the next few days, we are screwed. And I am devastated. Beyond words. I am not sure how low I will feel if we can't get there. If only, a miracle could happen. I know there is always next year, and I will be there next year, but it just kills me to not be able to go this year. to finally meet others like us. i just want to start crying now.

Happy Birthday America!!!!

Jesse is with his dad this 4th of July. Something I am thankful for. He has been back from Tennessee for three weeks and it has been a trying time for both of us. My just having set up a clean house to maintain and his room not being clean as well has caused us to butt heads on more than one moment in time. He was to have cleaned his room by the time he went back to his dads or at least have a good start on it, well it's not. So between now and when I pick him up Sunday I am going to remove every toy from his room and he will only have clothes and his bed in there. I know I had said to him that the things in the bins he could keep but that was with the original agreement of cleaning. So I may have him earn those back, somehow.

And mom is having a yard sale next weekend so it is perfect timing. Get rid of as much of this crap as we can, plus make some money to be able to pay our bills. Never mind the trip in two weeks, that I just don't see us as being able to attend. I know I should put my faith in God and trust him, and I do. So, I will remian faithful to him.

My elbow is healing after the big crash on sunday. Even the tetnus shot feels lots better. I can actually use my arm for more than an ornament. Even carried a gallon of milk in today. There was no way even yesterday morning I could have done that. I guess the infection is leaving as is the swelling. that ought to teach me.....doubtful

I have slept most of today. Just have had zero energy. I'd get up and think ok I'll start something, then in ten minutes I was back in bed. I think Dr Sigua and I are going to have a discussion on my taking the Lyrica. I am just to dragging to be functional. which doesn't help me parent Jesse or just be me. but we'll see. i also need to talk with Dr wakefield about my depression meds, i am so down. but is it b/c i only have 50 in the bank and no income. and parents who really don't seem to want to help but rather criticize how i live my life. and they wonder why i don't visit more. silly parents.


Brian and I are doing good. We talk on the phone about once or twice a week for a short time. Trying to keep our bills down there. IM as we can when we are both online. I am becoming a stronger me b/c of our not being in constant communication. I have to rely on myself to be a stronger me and not rely on him for my strength. Although I know he is there for me every step of the way. Our love is a true and deep one. It's hard to describe, but wouldn't change it. Except maybe the miles between us. I so miss and need his touch. To hear his voice remind me that I am strong.